Savage Words: ‘Is this your first summer on Planet Earth?

Remember last weekend when it was really hot? Like, triple-digit, oppressive hot?

Yea, me too.

In fact, it was another discovery in the aging process for me. I’ve never had this happen before, but last weekend under the massive beat down from the sun opened my eyes to something new.

I’ve been walking a lot lately. A lot more than normal. Not sure why that is, but I guess it’s just more self-awareness as I’ve gotten older.

I knocked out six miles last Saturday when the temps peaked at around 102 degrees. That night, my head hurt.

Not a headache kind of hurt, but the top of my head was stinging. I placed the palm of my hand about one inch from the top of the stinging area, and it was literally hot. When I touched my head, it hit me. I had a sunburnt head.

How in the hell did that happen? I’ve run around in the sun my entire life, but this particular summer, I did it without a thick head of hair on top of my head.

So there I sat on Saturday night, realizing that the thinning of my hair had gone into overdrive, and the top of my head was now susceptible to a sunburn.

Good grief.

I actually placed an ice cube on top of my head last Saturday, both to ease some of the pain, but also just out of curiosity to see how long it would last up there.

It didn’t last long.

I watched TV, my dog looking at me strangely, as water slowly dripped down my face from the ice cube that had no chance of survival.

I learned my lesson, and just had to deal with the fact that I now have no hair on the top of my head. I walked again on Sunday and went just as far, but this time I wore a hat.

I thought I was being all smart and stuff. On top of my sunburnt head, I noticed my face was also taking on some serious redness. It wasn’t burnt like the top of my head, but still, my face was a radiant red.

So, before I walked with my hat on, I sprayed my face with sunscreen. Sprayed it everywhere, all around my face, neck, and of course, now, my head.

My walk on Sunday took me through downtown Sioux Falls. The bike trail through downtown is actually pretty cool, winding around the Big Sioux River, under bridges, between buildings.

But about 20 minutes into my walk – another triple-digit day with layers of humidity in the air – my eyes were burning so bad. I mean, really, really burning, to the point I couldn’t keep them open. Every 20 feet or so, I had to stop, pull my shirt up and wipe my eyes clear of sweat.

It was never like that before, but on this particular walk, I was literally running into things because I couldn’t see. Under the 8th Street Bridge in downtown Sioux Falls, I swear a homeless guy took pity on me. It was as if he wanted to give ME a buck. 

He had a look of, “Get some help, man.”

It was quite a site, me bouncing off of bridge embankments and support walls, all while trying to clear my eyes.

It wasn’t until later I realized that the spraying of the sun screen onto my face slowly dripped into my eyes, creating the blindness for me.

I got a haircut on Monday, just a day after my Ray Charles impersonation. 

“Your head’s a little pink,” my barber said.

Pink? I took a photo of my head on Sunday with my phone, and that baby was fire engine red.

I explained the entire two-day ordeal of burning my head, and then blinding myself with sunscreen.

“Good God, man, is this your first summer on Planet Earth?” my barber asked, as he literally spun me in the chair to look straight at me. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

I take my hat with me every day now. I don’t necessarily like it, but it saves me from a fire on top of my head, a fire I never had to worry about before.

However, one day last week, I forgot it, and I realized it right when I was about to start another walk. I went anyway, but walked about four miles with my right hand on top of my head, shielding it from a double dose of sunburn on top of my melon.

Again, it was quite a site, but at least I could see.

I am so ready for football, Halloween, and a pumpkin spice latte.