The Absent Uncle: Advice

I have a habit of writing down a phrase or idea that strikes me as important or something to pay attention to. Those tidbits get collected and occasionally reviewed for whatever reason.

The most recent occasion was yesterday, when I casually read – “unsolicited advice will be received as criticism”. I don’t remember where I picked up that short statement or if any one person could have it attributed to them (fyi – googled it – seems it is a very common subject) and it seems like the thought has an overwhelming amount agreement from a lot of authors and commentators.

I guess it jumped out at me, amidst the multitude of similar scraps of information because I was puzzled by the reaction I received from a friend when I offered up a simple solution to a problem he had presented to me during a recent conversation. 

In retrospect, I realize he was just talking to me, sharing his observations, his comfortability with his situation, and the choices he saw in front of him.

As a good friend, I just felt the need to jump right in – offer my unrequested opinion, absolutely the correct plan of action, and prediction of the positive outcome to his quandary by following my sage advice.

Except he hadn’t asked for my advice. Sage or otherwise.

My friend and I are high school classmates. We met in the third grade and have maintained a friendship that has spanned approximately 65 years. And I learned something new from that old friend – just listen. 

It seems over the years I have offered unsolicited advice more than once (and honestly, I know more to than just him) and he let me know that my problem-solving self just was not what was needed in that conversation. Just my ear and understanding were needed. A great lesson.

I understood our conversation much better after seeing that little scrap of a thought I had written down in a previous time. So profound, so relevant, got it.