The Absent Uncle: Family

As I write this column, three of my favorite nieces (I’ve six in all total) are getting together for an evening together. I wish I could be with them (as a fly on the wall) to just enjoy the meeting.

They live in very different parts of the country – have been separated for years by that distance, the highways of life, and that thing that really separates us all – time. Time we just have had to spend doing what we have to do and not doing it together. 

Now these three gals – well – it would be a hoot (no – more than a hoot) just to watch and listen. Strong, opinionated, successful – and a whole lot of fun.   

They all come from strong stock – all members of my family and have found their own way forward – know only how to work hard, laugh at the crap they see fall around them and be successful. They know they each have challenges ahead of them and will meet them head on – getting dinged here and there – but doing what they all have done in the past – just move on. 

As with most families these days, geography and time create a bit of distance between relatives, like cousins and uncles/aunts. The familiarity is lost from seeing each other on a somewhat regular basis. As the Absent Uncle, I didn’t see what was happening until a lot of years and lost contact possibilities had transpired.

One of the spurs that moved me from Minnesota was that almost perceived “obligation” to attend birthdays, weddings, and other personal celebrations to those cousins, their kids, my nieces and nephews. It just seemed like how I would go now forward in my own life, my time, and to set my own schedule was set by those perceived “obligations”. My mom was big on that stuff, and I felt she was unyielding. 

But now the realization of what I missed, the feeling of estrangement, and just not knowing people that are my family became clear. I was the Absent Uncle – at least that is what I felt. 

So, I am trying to help my immediate family: sisters, brother, and their kids (and mine) to reconnect. And I’m doing the same myself. To facilitate meetings and conversations; to introduce important people back into the lives of each of them. With today’s advantages of social media, the ability to have a conversation – both video and audio – does make it easier to avoid what I did and what I realize now that I missed out on. Distances and the demands of time on each of us have to be managed differently. 

Do what you can, hope for a good result, enjoy it, and be that fly on the wall soaking it all in. 

Or even better yet, be a part of it.