Trivial Pursuits: White elephant, pet destruction and Christmas cheer

In lieu of a Christmas letter, I’ve jotted down a cursory rundown of my 2017 holiday season, at both the Hult household and the Brandon Valley Journal office. 

While Secret Santa seems to have the most pull and popularity among offices, it can also be a disappointing flop. For instance, my last Secret Santa, years ago, stashed a 2-liter Coke and family-size Tostitos under my desk from the next-door convenient store, which I would’ve happily swapped for the sugar-cookie scented candle or Frosty the Snowman snow globe my co-workers were more thoughtfully gifted.   

For our first Christmas together, we at the Journal office opted for a fun and funny alternative: the white elephant gift exchange. White elephant cares not about being thoughtful or personable or practical, and sincere thank you’s are not required. When your gift turns out to be one of those lights that goes on when you clap, mustering up even a medium round of applause is tough – unless you’re giving kudos to the humor behind the gift. 

And while I love getting rid of things I don’t need, it’s the funny potential of white elephant I love most. I’ve pawned off an As-Seen-on-TV toilet bowl cleaner still in the box (I don’t do toilets) and a bulk pack of wooden back-scratchers that were about a yard long (nor do I have Go-Go-Gadget arms). I’ve opened a few, too, like a big, wooden spoon rack (collecting state spoons is not, nor ever will be a goal) and a talking doll named Mr. Wonderful who said, “Hey, pretty lady,” and offered to show you a good time. 

Our Journal white elephant exchange Friday had its share of laughter and friendly, competitive stealing. Kudos to our graphic designer, Erin Harris, for bringing the most obnoxious white elephant gift: The Beer Buckle, a heavy, silver belt buckle that opens up to hold a beer can (should your hands be otherwise engaged). The Beer Buckle is a real product, and one of the hallmarks of any good white elephant gift is when it begs the question, “Somebody actually thought that was a good idea?”

Christmas at the Hult household is always interesting, and even more so this year, perhaps, our first Christmas our beagle puppy, Sherlock. Unfortunately, thanks to the dynamic duo of Waffle (our cat, who climbs the tree and bats down ornaments for Sherlock to destroy), may the following ornaments rest in peace: Santa Sock Monkey, stuffed Santa face with the yellow yarn hair, and foam frame ornament featuring a blurry, unidentifiable photo, courtesy of my daughter, Greta, last Christmas.

I’d also like to offer:

• Apologies to Bryan, my boyfriend, for the long crack on his front bumper created Christmas Eve-Eve when I backed my car out of the garage with the driver’s door wide open;

• Kudos to me for thinking ahead and putting all Christmas presents under lock in Sherlock’s old puppy kennelx – preserving not only the contents but also the presents-under-the-tree tradition (sort of – you can only scoot a dog kennel so far under a Christmas tree);

• Thanks for all the swell gifts from family and friends, both for me and my daughter. We are spoiled, we are blessed, and we hope your Christmas was a joy, too.