Mourning during a global pandemic - Face of funerals changes under government pressure to practice social distancing

The The coronavirus is not only changing the way in which people go about their daily lives, but it’s also changing what happens after they leave them.

The global pandemic has made the “traditional” funeral virtually impossible in the wake of CDC recommendations for social distancing. 

Memorial and graveside services are still being held, for the most part, but mourners are being ushered in and out in shifts to keep the crowd to a minimum.

In his 20 years in the business, Todd Winkel has never seen anything quite like it. 

“I’m not allowing more than 10 people in for a visitation if they’re family, or for arrangements,” said Winkel, who is director at Heartland Funeral Home and serves on the state board of funeral home directors.

Last week he officiated a funeral for a gentleman with 19 grandchildren and dozens of great-grandchildren. 

“It was a slew. There were 50 people that were just immediate family,” he said. “The cemetery already told us there could only be 10 people at the gravesite.”

For that particular burial, the adult grandchildren carried the casket to the gravesite, then waited in their vehicles while the widow and children of the deceased paid their respects. Then the grandchildren and great-grandchildren took turns visiting the casket in small groups. 

“This is the new norm right now,” Winkel said. “This is all we can do.”

Funerals are forgoing military rites for veterans, too, said Phil Schmitz with George Boom Funeral Home, since the veterans who typically participate in the service are in the at-risk 65-plus age group.

“Kind of what I’ve seen las month or so is these small private family gatherings,” Schmitz said. “We’re practicing as much social distancing as possible … It’s really hard because there’s not a pause button on grief when someone passes away.”

The Department of Homeland Security recently declared funeral home directors essential workers, similar to first responders. 

Meanwhile, South Dakota is preparing for a COVID-19 disaster by taking count of the number of refrigeration units and embalming stations across the state. 

There’s also a national call for funeral directors to volunteer in coronavirus hotspots like New York City and New Orleans, which have some of America’s highest COVID-19 death tolls.

And with international and domestic travel limited, some long-distance mourners are having to find their own methods of saying goodbye from afar. 

Kara Bass, owner of New Day Counseling Services, offered a few suggestions for how to handle the loss of a loved one during the pandemic.

“If people aren’t able to attend the funeral in a traditional way, I think people should do whatever feels right to them to honor the person they’re grieving,” she said. “Whether it’s singing songs, cooking their favorite foods – just things you can hold dear that are a reminder of the person you’ve lost.”

In some cases, families are opting to hold memorial services for friends later on, Winkel said, when the pandemic is firmly in the past, and many funerals are being filmed and uploaded online. 

“I think we need to be flexible to what’s available right now,” Bass said. “There’s really no right or wrong way to grieve, as long as it’s authentic and fills your need.”